Today

“I,  not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which  it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one  day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”

Today I had a sudden realization that I choose my own fate. I mean I guess I always kind of new that, but today I decided is the day I take control of my own life. I decided today I would be happy. No over sleeping, no feeling sorry for myself, and absolutely no pills. I woke up at about 8:30 a.m. and just cuddled with my boyfriend for about 30 minuets. I got out of bed and put some clothes on and made breakfast for my boyfriend. I then proceeded to make my boyfriends dinner for while he was at work since he usually isn’t home until 11 p.m. I watched a little Grey’s Anatomy with my boyfriend. He jumped in to watch it in the middle of season 2, so it was fun trying to explain all the characters and drama in the show. We laughed together, and I mean really laughed. The kind of laugh where eyes light up like they did when you were a kid. For the first time in a long time Edward, my boyfriend, looked into my eyes with a smile on his face and said to me, “God Sam, you’re just so damn beautiful. I love you.”. That made me happy. He told me I am his best friend, and he reminisced on old memories of us, and told me all the things he was thinking when we first started talking. It was like for the first time in a long time I felt like things were getting better and that I was going to be okay. Maybe it is that I am finally thinking clearly, or maybe it is him. Maybe ever since I told him the truth about my depression and my drug abuse he has realized he is the one thing that makes me happy. Brad Pitt put it pretty damn well, “the woman is the reflection of her man. If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.” The full quote is actually quite beautiful. So I will share it with you at the end incase you would like to read it. I remember Ed would always say how he missed the old me, but he never understood that not only did they way he loved me changed as well as my whole life had changed in a matter of a couple of months. I was pregnant. Being a mother is the only thing I was ever sure I wanted in my life, and yes I was only eighteen but I would have done everything to give that child the things I wasn’t able to. I would have been an amazing mother, and I loved that unborn child more than I had ever loved anything else. I had everyone telling me I wasn’t ready for motherhood, my response was always “Is anyone ever truly ready to be a first-time parent?”. When I was departed from my precious unborn baby I hated myself. It was a while before I spoke openly about it almost everyone except a very limited amount of people. I think he finally realized that as stubborn and self-reliant I am that I need him. Anyway I just wanted to let our few followers know that today I was happy. It felt nice. I hope it lasts. Here is the Brad Pitt quote I hope you read it, and if you do I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did.

A Secret of Love

“My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. She has lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, was constantly crying. She was not happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning; got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of brake up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped take care of herself. She refused shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon… But then I decided to act. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. She is the ideal of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders. I began to pepper her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised her and pleased every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe, but she has blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much.

And then I realized one thing: the woman is the reflection of her man.

If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.”
Brad Pitt

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