I’m not one to think I am always right. When it comes to something of importance, I handle it by doing what I think is best at the moment. But I’ve realized that sometimes, people make the wrong moves. And “the sooner the better” doesn’t always apply. But though there may be such a thing as “it’s never too late,” there’s also something called “too soon.” I find it unfair to make someone wait until everything isn’t “too soon” for me anymore. As much as I’d want someone to hold on, there is so much they could be missing out on, you know? It seems easier for me to say there was nothing there than it would have be to say that there is, or may be, but I want time to figure it out. Giving them a glimpse of hope through uncertainty…only to end up feeling nothing.
Life doesn’t come with a manual.
Displeased with life and its mediocrity. Fearing this is all there is and that I’ve made it more than it’s supposed to be. Afraid that my mind is too much for it all. I’m bored. Tired. Not in the sense that things to do or getting sleep will fix. May be growing a little weary to the fact that there are some things you never may fully let go of. Kind of empty. But trying not to fill the space with whatever comes along. Trying to fill the missing link with normality, unoriginality, casualty, for the moment. Keeping everything so simple. But simple is not enough for me. Simple is the seat I sit on the edge of, waiting my turn for life, jumping at any hint of a shift. Discomfort in simplicity. Even my scattered thoughts are too incomplex.
There aren’t enough words in the English language to express the controversies going on in my mind…and I’m not bilingual.
So understand me when I say that you’re trying to calm storms that aren’t yours to brace.
And don’t try to make me be anything. Do anything. See anything. Feel anything. Because I want what I want and who I want and you could make a list or a book of convincing and I would light a match to it because tenacity can turn into overkill.
I learned that the hard way.
And I can see that you’re who I was. In ways only I understand.
So be careful when you try to tread on the battlefield of the war in my mind because it sees no white flags and shows no mercy.
Nothingness….is a great teacher. You learn a lot from nothing. I learned I needed to let go of who I loved after feeling nothing with someone else. Life and its never ending paradoxes…And I guess there’s no right way to develop feelings. But the feeling of nothing feels completely wrong.
And we were like wind. In and out of each other’s lives. Changing what we thought was almost indestructible. Nothing is indestructable. Maybe it was supposed to be this way. Just to be let be. I feel like we knew this from the beginning. Two winds colliding only leads to destruction. Remember this.
I fucking love you; I’m not sure how. Maybe in many ways. And I know I always will. You taught me how to just… be. You taught me goddamn everything. Whether you realize it or not. Though I have a lot to learn. When it comes to life, I’m clueless. I like to think everyone is. You taught me about nothing. You taught me about everything.
I’ll never forget the wind. Always there, but never attainable.
The rain sets the music to the night
And the lightning illuminates the sky
The bottom of my pants are soaking wet
And I’m just hoping I can’t find my way home from here
I’m not concerned with the chains rattling
Or what secrets shadows may be dying to tell me
All I know is that I’m walking until there is no end
Until nobody comes looking for me
Until I can’t hear my name
Until my phone is dead
But I guess I overestimate my disappearance
Because no one is looking for me
And I don’t hear my name
And there isn’t enough of this town to drain my battery
All that speaks to me is silence
And the crickets sing the chorus for the rain
But my eyes are dry
My body is warm
So I guess how this is supposed to go
She was never the damsel in distress
She was always the super hero
She wore the cape
And held the weapons
She was never the princess
She never backed down
And she let no one stand in her way
She grew up to let people fight
Her own battles for her
She let herself go
Because she thought building a wall
Was being protected
But her heart was still invaded
And her ideas exposed
While she was not the only one to crack her walls
She was the one who demolished them
And everything she kept inside
She learned that no one will protect her
She’s the only one who shall own her heart
She learned to fight her own battles
Handle her own weapons
Stand her own guard
Never waving the white flag
Never calling out for help
“She needed a hero, so she became one”
Maybe I’m just temporary
Even something that needs to be put on hold, you know
Not what I was expected to be
I refuse to say things change
Because I know it’s true
We never are what we once were
Nor will we ever fully know what we will be
And we never really know who we’re talking to
Until it’s 2 years down the line
And you realize they’re not who you thought they were
They gradually changed in your eyes
So roughly smooth that you didn’t even take the time to notice
Yet here we are after 4 years and she’s not the friend I thought she was
And he’s not the boy I thought I liked
And that may not be all bad
But you realize that first impressions can be deceiving
Opening shared ideas are misleading
And maybe I liked you better then
But maybe I fall harder for you now
To be honest, I’m not quite sure what I’m saying.