Things I Should’ve Told You, Things I Should’ve Realized Earlier

-Caring about someone and having feelings for them are not always the same thing

-Sometimes I unintentionally deceive myself, too

-It may be utterly impossible for me to fall out of love

-No matter how much I am, I will never say the words “I’m sorry”

-Being hesitant speaks more for itself than I could say for mine even after I make a decision

-I don’t want anything serious with a simple open mind

-I don’t really want anything serious at all if it’s not with whom I’ve had in mind for a while

-Shit happens

 

~Megan

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Scattered Thoughts of the Conscious Enigma

I hardly know what to do with what’s going on in my head
New experiences and situations I second guess again and again
And I can’t tell whether I’m stressed or sad or pissed or content with the fact that things are changing the way that they are
But I’m far from emotionally vacant
..Progress?
It seems as if all that I can do is pull everything  together and loosely wrap it all up with the word “enigma”
That is all that I am and all that I know and all that I prefer
Because, somehow, not knowing what is going to happen next seems to ease my mind
In milestones or simple steps or what’s in the moment
I wouldn’t want to know what’s around every corner, predictability is my idea of a waste of time
And it seems as if my mind moves faster than my conscience and I can only explain it by drawing your attention over to my seemingly recent lack of common sense
Though I have not nor ever been in consideration of an example of ignorant

~Megan

Looking Back

It is a brave thing to involve one’s self with an individual who,  while not necessarily knowing their place in the world, knows that they have a place in the world. Terrifyingly beautiful. If the eyes are a mirror then I would be more than honored for them to be able to see such brilliance as they look in my eyes while I’m looking at them. Strange, how one person can be more than enough but not too much. They are the mystery that I wouldn’t mind trying to solve for the rest of my life only to find that they are never ending. It is fascinating to see someone not need a soul nor want one to try to help guide them through their own path. All that I can hope is that mine would cross with theirs and we are both there to witness it. And that I be blessed enough to have the option to merge.

~Megan

Illusions

There are many times that I am thankful that certain people believe in a God
Because I know that I could not keep them from slipping, on my own
After a while
Most of the time I do not care for the individual in general, but with the fact of them being a human being, I cannot let them go unsupported
Though I know that I will eventually lose patience
And replace myself with something of less stability but more consistency
I suppose I’m just luckier if they believe in a God
Any God will do,  really
The downfall is that I can’t help but think… if only that person knew that all of their strength and perseverance is all them
It’s all them.

~Megan

Wind Pt. 2

Shit, anything with me is like the wind
Like trying to grasp it
Trying to see it
Inconsistent
Never settling
Potentially damaging
But the idea is nice
It’s not meant to stay in one place for a long time
It’s not meant to be captured Occasionally it can be disastrous and even then it excites you
Interests you
And terrifies you
You want it in that form, so fiercely, but when it comes to time, you’re back to fearing it
And hiding from it
Though you can’t help but want to watch what how it works
Trying to figure out what it’s going to do next
Everything about it brings you anticipation

Only I know my capabilities, and even then I’m not so sure.

~Megan

Conversations

We’re human. You see, I couldn’t really tell you what I mean because of my inability to conclude thoughts, and to say them. I know what I’m trying to say but there aren’t enough words to fully express. It’s not just with one thing… It’s with everything. I’m not naive, I know trying to mend the cracks only causes I deeper break. The only thing I think about is how hard it is to find someone else who can not only handle the shit that goes on in my head but can match it. And challenges it. You know? Life sucks sometimes. And everyone has their reasons. It’s perspective… I think of him. And I will.

~Megan

If You Must Know…

If there’s one thing you must know about me, it’s that nothing is as it seems. I don’t mean what I say in the simple sense and I expect other people to surprise me with their words. I want to be proven wrong. I expect people to understand what I’m saying without me having to say a word. I’m terrible with words. I can only hope that elaborate wording and a false overzealousness for writing will suffice for the thoughts that I can never fully express. And my honesty can be harsh. It is harsh, a vast majority of the time. Though from some period of my life on out, I only made one promise, and it was to be true to myself. Honest. And fearless. Fearless and terrified.

~Megan