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Simply Complicated

Simplicity scares me. And maybe life scares me, too.
If I find simplicity,  is that all there is?
If what I find there is all simple and everything was as it presented itself, is that it? What a disappointment. 
Or is the simplicity something that I can’t imagine until I’m there. Like a color or a number that doesn’t exist that you know of?
Or will simple be like these thoughts that I can easily put together without any real thinking, just less stress for it to seem so complicated? Is this simple, without the questions and the doubt?

Just some of my usual passing thoughts to express my mental exhaustion.



Passing Thoughts: What’s Terrifying

When you find someone that understands you, it’s actually quite terrifying. It’s even worse when you weren’t looking for them. Now I don’t make much sense, do I?

What I mean to say is: you meet them and you open up to them and they find out everything about you. What you like, what you don’t, what you love, what you fear; everything. They discover your best moments, but all of your darkest secrets. What you think about, how you think, who you are not only as a human being, but in your soul.

You invest all of yourself into them, and they have the power to hold everything over your head. And you feel connected, and if they break that connection, you feel as if you’re more broken than before. That’s what makes it so terrifying.

I’ve only met two people in my life who I’ve connected with on that level, and I wasn’t looking for either of them, and they’ve both made an impact I would never be able to forget. That’s terrifying.  Especially because I’ve always been hard to understand, getting to really know me requires a great deal of patience few people are willing to give. I have a complicated mind, sometimes I don’t even understand. That’s what makes the connections that much more significant.

Only one of those people not only understand me, but understand my mind and relate to it more than I ever could imagine possible. That’s terrifying. What if I were to never find someone like that again? Terrifying.

I think a lot, as you can tell by the few posts I’ve made on here, and this is just one of my passing thoughts, I don’t let it consume me. And that also raises an interesting yet easy to answer question:

If you had to say everything you thought, could you keep up?


Something Euphoric About…

It’s sort of enchanting when they try to subtly get to know your body
They run their fingers or their lips over everything
Sometimes they come back to a spot to check if it’s really as you mentioned before, if that’s really how it feels
They get to know your bumps and curves and scars
How rough or soft your skin is in which places
Which parts protrude or cave in
Something euphoric in the sound of heavy breathing, and when the world disappears around you both
Anything you say is spoken in body language
Hands inching toward as some type of way to ask for permission
And no acknowledgment as a form of acceptance
Eye contanct that’s never uncomfortable
Somehow in the silence those gazes say everything you can’t at the moment
Feeling completely and undoubtedly safe and comfortable in their arms
And however you’re feeling, whatever you’re thinking, is shown on your face, in your eyes
There is no other thing on your mind, that is it
You’re in that moment and only that moment.