Tag Archives: heart

Small Town Diaries (Pt. 1)

This small town is so lonely
The streets are empty but overpopulated by desperate sighs for companionship
We fill in the ringing of loneliness in our ears with good music
But good music is only good company until it gets inside of you and then you’re alone once again
My only partner in impossible opportunity for crime used to be whatever I knew would hit my bloodstream first, but I wanted to keep the company of my sanity, so I welcomed loneliness to the seat next to me once again and wrapped my arm around it, placing my detoxing heart in between us
It is possible to regret letting go of an addiction, but I didn’t know what else to use the last of my strength on
You could say that I had no idea that using my last ounce of fight on something that made me feel on top of the world would open the door for such a strength to walk charmingly into my life
I want so badly to go back to my roots, but I have a bad habit of never returning any of its calls for me

~Megan

Lunar Beauty

It’s nice to have someone who makes it all go away
But when it’s 2a.m. and that person is asleep in their own bed, the moon likes to shine into your room and remind you that it’s all still there waiting
Without him right next to me to protect me, this spotlight will not hesitate to keep me awake and drive me insane
The best way that I can tell you my predicament is to tell it like I feel it:
I was in love with the moon
I met someone who told me that it was best to embrace it
He taught me all sorts of things about the night and the moon and spiritual things
The cooling that it whispered through the air in the night gave me comfort and made me feel that I could finally breathe
I embraced the illumination on my skin like you’d embrace your friend’s hand on your shoulder
I looked forward to its rising
I enjoyed the white glow throughout my bedroom, throughout the town
The peace that it brought…
But then the night turned me into someone self destructive; the peace morphed into loneliness
And I began to get upset with any sort of cold because my heart became selfish in wanting to be the only one to bring that chill
I dreaded the moon at its strongest moments, but it was just as dangerous for it to disappear for a little during the those early morning hours
The lunar beauty ripped the strings out of my hands and took control of my every thought and emotion
And to be honest, I don’t know how to fight this one back
I am a prisoner of beauty
I am a confused soul

~Megan

“You Can’t Tell Me You Didn’t Feel Anything There…”

I’ve questioned what being in love is

And I’ve pointed out the differences between simply loving someone and being in love

And I know what it’s like to love and be loved

And I thought I knew what it was like to be in love, but I realized a little while ago that I was just in love with the idea of a person and only in lust with them

But ideas could not have prepared me for what was to come with actually falling in love

I knew that I was capable of loving someone the way that I love you, but I just didn’t think that it would happen so soon in my life

And I must say…it is by far one of my favorite surprises

I find myself not being able to fall asleep without being next to you and hearing you breathe

Your arrhythmic heart is quite possible my favorite beat

I find myself not afraid of the future and somewhat excited for it

And I usually unintentionally try impress people with my words but I find myself being at a loss for them sometimes, other than the well known three

When I’m drunk, I either go on about you to others or go on to you about the things that you do that make it impossible for me not to love you

You make me feel like a thirteen year old with my first “real” crush

And if we’re giggling at our own stupidities or poking fun at our insecurities or lying in bed at 3a.m. talking about or hopes and dreams and childhoods or having a serious discussion that comes after fighting, I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else

When I look at the full moon right in front of me, I think of the night that you set your phone beside me and played “Hey Pretty Girl” by Kip Moore and told me that every word reminds you of me

I never admitted it, but a few tears streamed down my face

For one of the first times, I couldn’t think of even the wrong words to say, so I immediately took your face in my shaky hands and kissed you

It was the first time that I told you that I loved you without the hurt in my voice

And you won’t admit it, but I saw the tears of relief surfacing in your eyes

I don’t think I’ve witnessed anything more beautiful from you

I’ve always said that I don’t see the point in posting about your relationship all over social media

I’ve always been under the impression that it caused more harm than good

But goddamn, sometimes you just want to tell anyone and everyone that you are happy and it is because of that person

You told me that, “when I fell for you, I questioned if I ever actually loved anyone before”

And when I tell you that I love you, “I feel warm inside. And that concept of butterflies is bullshit, it’s a whole damn zoo”

I find my self nuzzling my face in closer to your neck every couple of minutes while I’m falling asleep because I just want to be even closer

Even with legs intertwined and hearts parallel and fingers interlocked

When you wrap your arms around me at night, you always keep one hand over my heart to feel it beat and say that it just feels sweeter every time

Love seems obsessive, but I don’t think that you could ever feel too much

Or tell that person enough times

There may be no “tomorrow” for one of you, so just go on and say it

Better yet, go on and show it

Go on and feel it

“You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything there”

~Megan

What Are You Doing?

If he makes his words sound like something straight out of a romance novel, don’t always read them over so quickly

Because the odds are that he’s used those lines plenty of times

And girl, don’t you want to read over unfamiliar words that take your breath away?

Be careful, especially, if they come out fluently

If they’re truly genuine, he’ll most likely trip over them and pause in between

His voice may shake and his eyes may wander and he may stumble over the simplest terms

If “I love you” doesn’t taste like the first time that he kissed you or make you feel like your little heart is going to break through your rib cage and fly away… it’s time to question yourself

If his eyes don’t look like water is about to break through a dam, be cautious

He should play songs that remind him of you at the most unplanned times

And when he kisses you, it should feel like he’s holding a million dollar vase in his hands when he holds your face

And sweetie, you should never in your life hold back how you feel because you’ll find out the truths of his words when he seems guilty for playing with your emotions or find that his eyes light up and his heart swells

If you are pressed up against someone and don’t still feel like you want to be even closer to them, what the hell are you doing?

~Megan

Who? (Scattered)

Follow your heart

Not the person who walks out on you

And shame on you if you think that they own a part of you

And I’m tired of smelling like cigarettes and whiskey

I know it’s all fun and games when you’re the one with nothing to lose

If I could go back and do things again, I wouldn’t

I learned what I should have accepted while I was with him and when he was long gone when he got a hold of me again

And while those words are sour, I like a little flavor

And I wish that I could say that your lips were the sweetest thing that I ever tasted

But I feel like I took my one and only chance at that years ago

So I guess that I can’t say I didn’t warn the one sitting beside me in their own little head that they should proceed to intrigue with caution

He says he likes a thrill and a mystery, but people fail to realize that my story will forever be finished before you start it

~Megan

Repetition

Every late night has begun to feel like a repetition of the night before

I think I’m beginning to find myself pulling for the early morning hours

In hope that I will find someone

Or something

That will ease my mind and bring me revelations

About myself and about life

Straining for interaction with a new energy

A new perspective

Not in desperation for friends

But for conversations

Feeling deprived from the part of me that I found in you

The mysterious part of me

And whether or not I will ever experience it again

Is the reason that letting go is not even a thing I could take into consideration

And I used to reserve these hours

For opening up my chest and feeling my heart strings break

And now I just feel the need to feel

The want to feel

How I did for you

And how you made me feel for life

I hardly get the pain in my chest these days

But I also hardly feel

 

~Megan

“Dreams”

And it doesn’t help that my body’s cold and my bones ache, the tears are burning hot as they rapidly glide down my face
And the world is empty, just like my heart and my stomach
But my mind is full of the terrors and “dreams”…(if I believed in nightmares, that would be the more appropriate term)
Dreams that hold the key to the closed doors that the largest secrets reside behind
And I can’t tell whose skeletons in the closet terrify and hurt me more
You can’t just let them go when their bony fingers clutch your wrists and hold your throat as soon as you wake
So you’re petrified in your sleep, where you should keep your escape, and you’re suffocating in reality
All you want is someone to hold you and say, “I’m here for you,” which is something you have never experienced without the unignorable hint of coldness and tainted sympathy
But all you get is, “fight the fear but embrace the pain,” which is probably what you need
But you can’t ignore the gaping whole in your heart and the deep pit in your stomach

And that loneliness is just as much of a fear as reliving my past.

~Megan