“You Can’t Tell Me You Didn’t Feel Anything There…”

I’ve questioned what being in love is

And I’ve pointed out the differences between simply loving someone and being in love

And I know what it’s like to love and be loved

And I thought I knew what it was like to be in love, but I realized a little while ago that I was just in love with the idea of a person and only in lust with them

But ideas could not have prepared me for what was to come with actually falling in love

I knew that I was capable of loving someone the way that I love you, but I just didn’t think that it would happen so soon in my life

And I must say…it is by far one of my favorite surprises

I find myself not being able to fall asleep without being next to you and hearing you breathe

Your arrhythmic heart is quite possible my favorite beat

I find myself not afraid of the future and somewhat excited for it

And I usually unintentionally try impress people with my words but I find myself being at a loss for them sometimes, other than the well known three

When I’m drunk, I either go on about you to others or go on to you about the things that you do that make it impossible for me not to love you

You make me feel like a thirteen year old with my first “real” crush

And if we’re giggling at our own stupidities or poking fun at our insecurities or lying in bed at 3a.m. talking about or hopes and dreams and childhoods or having a serious discussion that comes after fighting, I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else

When I look at the full moon right in front of me, I think of the night that you set your phone beside me and played “Hey Pretty Girl” by Kip Moore and told me that every word reminds you of me

I never admitted it, but a few tears streamed down my face

For one of the first times, I couldn’t think of even the wrong words to say, so I immediately took your face in my shaky hands and kissed you

It was the first time that I told you that I loved you without the hurt in my voice

And you won’t admit it, but I saw the tears of relief surfacing in your eyes

I don’t think I’ve witnessed anything more beautiful from you

I’ve always said that I don’t see the point in posting about your relationship all over social media

I’ve always been under the impression that it caused more harm than good

But goddamn, sometimes you just want to tell anyone and everyone that you are happy and it is because of that person

You told me that, “when I fell for you, I questioned if I ever actually loved anyone before”

And when I tell you that I love you, “I feel warm inside. And that concept of butterflies is bullshit, it’s a whole damn zoo”

I find my self nuzzling my face in closer to your neck every couple of minutes while I’m falling asleep because I just want to be even closer

Even with legs intertwined and hearts parallel and fingers interlocked

When you wrap your arms around me at night, you always keep one hand over my heart to feel it beat and say that it just feels sweeter every time

Love seems obsessive, but I don’t think that you could ever feel too much

Or tell that person enough times

There may be no “tomorrow” for one of you, so just go on and say it

Better yet, go on and show it

Go on and feel it

“You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything there”

~Megan

Simply Complicated

Simplicity scares me. And maybe life scares me, too.
If I find simplicity,  is that all there is?
If what I find there is all simple and everything was as it presented itself, is that it? What a disappointment. 
Or is the simplicity something that I can’t imagine until I’m there. Like a color or a number that doesn’t exist that you know of?
Or will simple be like these thoughts that I can easily put together without any real thinking, just less stress for it to seem so complicated? Is this simple, without the questions and the doubt?

Just some of my usual passing thoughts to express my mental exhaustion.

~Megan